The Ultimate Rockstar Test

The Foos drummer knows how to raise hell particularly if there's Italian food around.

Taylor Hawkins

WHAT’S THE BEST PRANK YOU EVER PLAYED ON THE ROAD?
“We absolutely destroyed the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It’s in one of their documentaries, but we dropped 10,000 ping-pong balls and 25lbs of pasta on their heads. I think we did it halfway through their set as well, so they couldn’t really even FInish. That was back when I was getting hammered before going onstage. It’s on video and I reckon it’s up there as one of the most monumental live rock band pranks of all time.”

WHAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING?
“I did a lot of stupid shit when I was drinking, but I remember getting kicked out of Gwen Stefani’s house. Me, my brother and [former Mötley Crüe drummer] Tommy Lee went out on New Year’s Eve, and we went to Gwen’s nice new house. We literally got kicked out by their security, and then I think we went to a strip bar, and then I woke up in a bush in Laurel Canyon. That’s how I saw the New Year in that year. I was such a dumb kid, and I’m so lucky to still be here.”

HAVE YOU EVER SMASHED A DRUM KIT IN ANGER?
“Yeah! I haven’t done that in a long time, but I used to throw little tantrums back when I was first in Foo Fighters. One time, me and Dave [Grohl, Foos mainman] got into an argument. I remember [Queen drummer] Roger Taylor was there as well, and I had probably played everything too fast – as I always do. Dave was giving me shit about it, I was in a bad mood and I threw my drum kit off the stage. I never argue with Dave any more. I gave up because I never win.”
K: God knows what Dave does if throwing a drum kit off a stage doesn’t win against him…

HAVE YOU EVER STARTED THE WRONG SONG AND RUINED THE SHOW?
“I’ve started the wrong song tons of times, but for some reason, in our sloppy, Rolling Stones-iness, everyone manages to join in. I’ll look at the set list and accidentally skip a song but everyone always jumps aboard and we style it out.”

HAVE YOU EVER FALLEN OFF YOUR DRUM STOOL?
“I definitely have, in Japan I think. I don’t have a great story about it, I just fell off and landed on my ass.”
K: That’s not even worth a ‘Cool story, bro’ remark…

WHO’S THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON TO HAVE SAID THEY’RE A FAN OF YOURS?
“I live in the same neighbourhood as Drake, and I crashed one of his parties. I went to the house and he had full security going, ‘What’s your business here?’ I said, ‘I’m Drake’s neighbour, I’ve never met him but can you tell him the drummer from Foo Fighters wants to say hi and come to his party?’ He escorted me in and it made the Playboy Mansion look like Kiddyland. Drake was dancing on this rock. I met him and he said, ‘Man, I’ve been watching the Foos since I was a kid.’ I just thought, ‘Oh man, I’m old!’”

HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO RUN AND HIDE FROM A MOB OF FANS, BEATLES-STYLE?
“Only in South America are they like that. But you feel all special about it. You have people banging on the car windows and you feel like The Beatles. Then you realise that some ’80s one-hit wonder band, like Trixter or someone, get the same attention.”
K: Well done, that’s probably the only Trixter reference anyone has made this century.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT ONE THING WOULD YOU SEE OR DO?
“Oh my God, I would go back to see the last gig Queen played at the Imperial College before they even went on tour.”

WHO WOULD BE IN YOUR ULTIMATE AFTERLIFE JAM BAND?
“I’d be the drummer, of course. I’d have Freddie Mercury, the greatest rock’n’roll singer of all time. I would have Chris Squire [Yes] play bass – he was the best-ever, and he’d be fun to have around. Then I’d have [David Bowie axeman] Mick Ronson on guitar. Oh God, that would be awesome.”
K: No arguments here sir…

DO YOU THINK ANY OF THE UFOS OR ‘FOO FIGHTERS’ THAT HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ARE ALIENS?
“I sometimes think, ‘How could we be the only ones?’ But I don’t know. I hope they’re friendly if they are, because we’ve got enough assholes on this planet. We don’t need any more!”
K: We’ve seen Independence Day. They’re assholes. Sorry.

THE VERDICT: 91% Rockstar
K: Celeb mates, security tussles, arguments with Grohl... A fine showing, sir.

return to Hawkins' Poor Brain